chrysanths | yves / turboheaven pc

[ well yves will get as far as walking away normally from trial watch just so they can leave but

after that he is clinging on so hard that adolphe will have to penguin walk with yves attached to him i guess ]

You took too long to get me....

[ Adolphe really is penguin walking.... it's fine. He might as well get used to this. ]

... Yeah, I did. Sorry.

[ He gently pets his head. There, there. Still looking sorry of unamused because Yves is making him waddle. ]

[ okay well he just leans into the touch and they can stop walking once they're far away enough.... and it's like everything exasperated just kind of melts out of him automatically. he sighs out all his tension and just gives him a normal hug instead, even if it's a tight one. ]

... well, it's okay. I forgive you.

I'm glad you're alright.

[ Adolphe returns the tight hug for once. It's easier to do this when they're not surrounded by other people. ]

... I missed you, but I didn't want you to die for me to see you again like this.

[ it's fine..... he just lets his head rest against adolphe's shoulder, but does keep clinging on like he's a little scared that letting go will mean that he'll just disappear again ]

Mm, well... I don't mind too much even if I feel bad for the worry I've caused.

[ the actual death part doesn't bother him. of course it doesn't. ]

But... a big part of me just wanted to see you again. So I think... I selfishly have to say I'm happy for that.

[ He grits his teeth but keeps himself from barely grinding them. His teeth... Adolphe puts his hands to Yves's shoulders and looks at him in the eyes. ]

I mind! When I heard you died, I couldn't stop thinking about how inhumane your death would have been, because that's how all of them were! I really didn't want to imagine any of that happening to you. It was the same when I found out Hawke set the stalls on fire right where you were sleeping. He didn't have to because I died before that, but he did. Do you know just how angry I was, just for the thought of you possibly waking up blazing fire all around you?! It was completely unnecessary! I wasn't even mad at him for killing me, because that wasn't the point!

Even right now, I tried so hard not to look at the screen all this time for today, because if I see your corpse out there, I'll lose it in front of everyone and that's not something anyone needs right now. Just the thought of someone doing that to you just... just...!

[ He shakily breathes out while trying to calm himself. ]

But of course.

[ His grip weakens. ]

... Of course you don't mind. You never do.

[ ah.

even now, yves doesn't mind. he can't be bothered to mind his death. his emotions come and go. the horror at how people die, but never anger at the person who did the killing. it's even worse when it's himself, because he can't be bothered to feel the horror. thinking about hawke setting the stalls on fire makes him more worried for everyone they were with that night, and how it could've spread.

but adolphe is in front of him, and he's in pain.

he brings his hands up to cup adolphe's face gently, and guides him to so that they can rest forehead to forehead. ]

... I mind now, because you're upset. [ it's as much compromise as he can offer while still being truthful ] And I hate when you're upset.

But I'm right here. And I'm okay.

[ one hand leaves adolphe's face just to grasp one of his hands at yves' shoulder, and guides it to his own chest so that adolphe can feel his heartbeat. steady. not worked up. calm. ]

See? Just breathe with me. We're both okay.

[ Yves is alive. The heartbeats say so. Adolphe eventually regains his calm in turn, and he's just barely avoided lashing out like last week. ]

I... I just...

[ godddd he feels like he's about to cry. But he doesn't. ]

... How are you feeling? Physically... emotionally? Mentally. I guess they're all fine.

[ adolphe...........

yves will just pull adolphe into a hug again, this time encouraging him to put his head on yves's shoulder. come here, you. he'll press a brief kiss to adolphe's hair, trying every little soothing gesture he can think of ]

... it might upset you to hear, but I'm okay. Really.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you had to carry all these emotions for me.

I'm not upset to hear that you're doing fine. I'm glad.

[ It comes out as a quiet murmur as he buries his face into Yves's shoulder. Warm. Alive. Not cold. Not stiff. Not whatever mangled mess it must have been in. ]

... My emotions are my own. They're whatever I feel for myself.

[ cuddles his best friend unabashedly... him love you...... ]

But... you felt them because of me. [ a little guilty ] Because you care about me. So I'm grateful, even if I'm sorry.

[ he brings a hand up just to run through adolphe's hair, smoothing it back and trying to help settle him with whatever assurances he has that yves is right here and he's okay ]

Thank you for loving me. I'm sorry I make it hard.

[ oooouuuugghhhhh

The physical contact is really reassuring. He really didn't want Yves to die for his own selfish reasons even if Yves himself doesn't care, because that's really all he can be: selfish. ]

... You don't make it hard.

[ He mumbles. ]

I've gotten into a lot of trouble...

[ he keeps nearly getting scapegoated and he's on a suspect list every week and he shows up bloody and doesn't know all his injuries and then last week he just killed a girl ]

I guess I am pretty reckless.

[ he's heard it enough from other people by now.... ]

You think?

[ Ooooooohhhhh he's so peeved that he lightly headbutts the side of Yves's head. Suffer. ]

... Despite that, it's still not hard. However, it's a separate thing entirely.

Ah.

[ accepts the headbutt with just a lil knock but ]

.... but I just don't like anything that makes you upset.

Is this you're way of telling me that you don't like yourself?

[ Like. He knew that already but. ]

... well, it's been harder lately.

[ to like himself, all things considered ]

[ Really. These two guys don't like themselves the most, and yet. Adolphe frowns. ].

Even though the person standing in front of me is the person that's really important to me? And the one I would trust with anything?

[ . . . he really is so easy. there's a part of him that's buoyed by this, even if everything else... feels so bad. ]

... it does warm my heart to hear it. [ softly, and he'll just sigh ]

I feel a little better after talking to Claude this morning. It's part of what was tearing me up all week...

[ Even though Adolphe is frustrated, he also gets it. He doesn't think highly of himself either. it's rough out there for depressed people. ]

I'm glad you could talk it out with him.

[ .... ]

... I also tried talking to him like you asked me to, but it just felt awkward each time.

[ He's not good at this. But he attempted. (lopsided golden five pointed apparatus that cannot be called a star) ]

I did realize a little later that it was kind of a bad idea. You're both great people, but Claude asks so many questions because he doesn't like being known and you would hate answering them because you also wouldn't like being known. And then he'd feel awkward and distant, and it would kind of just go in a loop so you'd just be stuck in vague pleasantries....

It's not either of your faults, though....

[ it's just

so funny now that he's thinking about it ]

Edited 2025-03-22 21:35 (UTC)

[ Thanks. He never wants to socialize with strangers again. ]

... Your heart was in the right place, I guess.

[ As it always is, but with mixed results. ]

It was, but that's because I love both you and Claude. You both always make me feel better, so I guess I was a little optimistic in hoping you could do that for each other.

[ alas......... you are exactly the same type of person in the ways that hilariously repel each other ]

[ still he's just sighing ]

But since I told him about it... I can tell you now. I got an apple on Saturday after what I did to Samuel, and I thought at the time that it would be good to use it on someone afflicted. When Claude was killed on Sunday, we all thought he was—so I felt... that I was too late, really.

I... couldn't forgive myself for that. For not being able to save him, when I had the option right in my hand. It was hard. [ a sad little laugh ] I had trouble sleeping for days.

[ he was spiraling so bad earlier in the week to the point that he couldn't keep it out of his letter to adolphe ]

He's cleared things up with me and I'm not mad, I just...

Ah, it was hard to carry.

[ Adolphe should be glad that such a heavy burden was lifted from Yves, and he is. While he's glad that happened, he can't help but to feel a tinge of something rotten inside himself. It's the selfishness that he's aware of, even though he should be happy for Yves. It's so ugly. Repulsive.

He mentally swallows the feeling and holds Yves's hand. ]

It's over now. It must have been a huge hurdle for you to go over. To have such a person care so deeply for him, he's lucky that he has you.

week 5, saturday

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